How I feel right now

I think it speaks for itself. Well, everything except the revenge thing. This picture can't really be my revenge, since I'm the one that fucked up. But I do want him to be happy, no matter who he's with. We had a dicussion last night that led to me blowing up in his face, well, over the internet. I just want the memory of these horrible events to die. Plus with my training, I reject any form of interrogation. Now I feel that I've hurt him again with my outburst. He was only asking questions, trying to understand.

Perhaps it's his revenge when I look at this picture, when I remind myself of everything that I've thrown away. Maybe California isn't the place for me after all. I'd love to stay here, but there may not be a reason to. If anything, I have until August to decide.